Dealing With Complaints About Others in the Workplace

Published 2025-07-04.

If you are a leader — formally or informally — team members will complain to you about other colleagues, especially people on other teams.

Let’s say that John is complaining about Bob. John is unhappy with Bob because of a promise Bob made to a customer that John is struggling to deliver on.

There are good and bad ways to deal with this kind of gossip. Bad ways include

  1. promptly agreeing with the complaints;1
  2. berating John for bringing the complaint to you;
  3. ignoring it; and
  4. going to Bob behind John’s back.

The following is what I believe to be a good way of dealing with such cases.

Mutual understanding

If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

—Stephen R. Covey2

Covey’s principle is a good starting point, but I find that it needs some nuance. You don’t spend 15 minutes understanding followed by 15 minutes making yourself understood.

Instead, the two modes blend into each other. For example, you might ask John, “Have you spoken to Bob about it? If so, what did he say?” There are two aspects to this:

  1. You are, of course, seeking to understand the situation.
  2. But you are also, in a more subtle way, making yourself understood to John: You expect him to go directly to the other person before coming to you. Your curiosity about Bob’s perspective also indicates that this should be important to John.

As you understand more of John’s perspective, you can gradually help him expand it.

You might start with building empathy: Does John understand how difficult and precarious Bob’s job is? If Bob doesn’t close deals, he will soon be out of a job. And vice versa: Does Bob understand the burden he has placed on John?

Second, you might move on to strategic context. What is the constraint for the company? If sales are lagging, you might need salespeople to be more aggressive. If deliveries are falling behind, you might need the opposite.

Third, think out loud with John about how you can move forward. Perhaps John can talk to Bob? Or maybe you need a retrospective? Can you get creative and find a way for the company to deliver on Bob’s promise without John having to work nights and weekends?

Finally, agree on follow-ups if any.

Summary and conclusion

When your colleagues complain about others, seek understanding together with them. Empathize with the complainer and those being complained about. Help the complainer expand their perspective.

Footnotes